Garbage Disposal Cookies

A few nights ago, my uterus was all, "Hey! Mom! We want cookies and salty snacks and chocolate and EVERYTHING."

Is it weird that my uterus calls me mom? I mean, my cats call me mom, but that's different.

Anyway.

Ask, little uterus, and you shall receive. Let's make some garbage disposal cookies.

I made mine with liquid stevia because I can't handle a lot of sugar. I figured the sugar in the molasses, chocolate chips, and marshmallows was plenty for me. I haven't tried the sugar version of the recipe because I don't want to freak out and feel like shit and have to nap for six hours. Please let me know if you try it, and if 2 teaspoons is too much or too little and I'll adjust the note.

Garbage Disposal Cookies (vegan, gluten-free option, low-sugar option)
Makes 6-8 small cookies. Recipe can easily be doubled.
printable recipe

1 tsp ground flax seed mixed with 1 Tbsp water

1/4 cup quick-cooking oats
1/4 cup flour of your choice (I used 2 Tbsp teff flour + 2 Tbsp sorghum flour)
1/2 Tbsp fresh, finely ground coffee (crappy coffee is fine in these, just NOT instant coffee)
1 tsp baking powder
1/8 tsp sea salt
1 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger, cardamom, allspice, more cinnamon, or any other spice you love

1 Tbsp melted Earth Balance (or oil of your choice)
3 Tbsp unsweetened almond milk (soy, rice, or coconut would work, too)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
25-30 drops liquid stevia (or 2 tsp sugar)
1 Tbsp molasses (optional, but DELICIOUS)

1 Tbsp mini chocolate chips
1 Tbsp toasted coconut (or nuts, raisins, potato chips, cereal, peanut butter chips, etc.)
2 Tbsp broken up mini pretzels (about 4 pretzels, use gf pretzels if you need to!)
2 Dandies marshmallows, chopped into small pieces

Preheat your oven to 350º. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

In a small bowl, combine the flax and water. Set it aside.

Whisk your dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Set that aside.

Measure your fillers into a small bowl and set aside. I found it easier to cut up the marshmallows and add them to the dry ingredients so they didn't all just stick together in the bowl o' fillers.

Combine wet ingredients in a small bowl. Add the wet mixture to the dry ingredients and stir until it's nicely combined. Fold in your fillers (chocolate chips and all that). Scoop the batter on to your lined cookie sheet by heaping tablespoons. Flatten each cookie just a bit.

Bake the cookies for 8-10 minutes. Let these cool on the cookie sheet for 5 minutes before transferring to a wire rack, otherwise marshmallows will stick and it will be sad. Cookies will be fluffy and muffin-like and you'll probably eat them all in one sitting.

Shit. I just had an idea. I'm going to make banana "ice cream" and make ice cream sandwiches with these. Maybe with a little peanut butter mixed in there. THANKS, UTERUS.

Are you going to make these? What are you going to put in them? Can I come over if I promise to bring champagne?

Gluten-Free Vegan Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

These cookies came from a desire for fall flavors, mixed with some laziness.

I've made a few things from Betty Crocker's gluten-free cookie and cake mixes recently with great results, but I hadn't been brave enough to start adding or changing things beyond subbing in oil and a flax egg. I figured I could just make a few modifications to the chocolate chip cookie mix, hope for the best, and eat whatever pumpkin-flavored mess I pulled out of the oven.

I can't believe they turned out as delicious as they did.

Just to make sure it was really that easy to make something so yummy, I made them a second time and took them to work. Almost everyone who ate one asked for the recipe. It was a happy day for this little baker girl.

So, I made a video. Finally. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time, but was never brave enough to put myself in front of the camera. These cookies are too good to not share, though.



I know. The lighting is terrible, and the video is really choppy, but I'll get better the more I do this. Which should be often, because it was a lot of fun!

I'm planning on more boxed mix tutorials, along with some other stuff. Carrot cupcakes. Mini stevia-sweetened 100 calorie pumpkin pies with whipped coconut cream. Mimosa cupcakes.

Vegan marshmallow fondant and how to turn it into little penis cupcake toppers.

I guess that kind of explains why my YouTube channel is called Blue Balls Bakery. Heh.

Oh, and here's the recipe in case you're a jerk and don't want to watch the video. Jerk.

Easy Pumpkin Spice Chocolate Chip Cookies
(vegan, gluten-free)

Makes 20-24 cookies

printable recipe

1 Tbsp ground flax seed mixed with 3 Tbsp water

1 box Betty Crocker Gluten-Free Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix

1/2 tsp cinnamon

1/2 tsp ground nutmeg

1/4 tsp ground ginger

1 cup canned pumpkin puree (NOT canned pumpkin pie mix)

1/4 cup oil (canola, coconut, melted Earth Balance, etc.)

1 tsp vanilla extract

Preheat your oven to 350º. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper.

Combine flax and water in a small bowl and set aside.

Combine cookie mix and spices in a large bowl and set aside.

Combine pumpkin, oil, vanilla, and flax mixture. Give it a good stir, then add it to the dry ingredients. Mix until it's nicely combined. Dough will be sticky. Scoop dough onto your baking sheet by heaping tablespoons, leaving an inch between cookies. Flatten each one with the back of the spoon.

Bake cookies 11-15 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into a cookie comes out clean. Let the cookies cool completely before storing in an airtight container for up to 4 days. Leftovers can be frozen, but you won't have any leftovers.